How can I hate myself so much, yet still cling so desperately to who and what I am? I am awash in this sea of confused emotion, struggling to gain a stance on solid ground that I can't seem to find, even inside my own head.
I will become what I was. I will find self acceptance in who I am. I will seek to become accepted for it so that I might never have to change myself again. I will hold on to my experiences and what they have taught me. I will regain that which I lost but not at the cost of what I have learned along the way. I will hold tight to myself and I will NEVER lose that again.

I must make the choice to risk what I love, so I can find what I am missing.

I will continue looking until i find the place where all of who I am will be accepted, understood, and appreciated. And then I will be home.

Imagine being locked in an empty cell. Abandoned yet surrounded by smiling faces just outside. Calling and calling. Begging for help. Unanswered by those so near. And just when you're giving up and turning away, you find the door wide open and a friendly face holding the keys.

Anyone who sees this page and likes it should look at my friend's page, Ocha Sidabutar. http://withdreamstodreams.blogspot.com/

"Lost in a place where I find no solace, or comfort. A place that is by no means a sanctuary. The only thing here is me, but I am not alone. This is my mind, my world, my "safe haven." It is filled with things I'm afraid of. It is filled with thoughts I do not want, ideas that cannot be mine. I do not like it here. But change is something I am far more afraid of. The more I alter who I am on the outside, in order to avoid the pain of vulnerability, the more painful it becomes inside my head. It hurt to feel the way I used to. It hurts to be the way I am now. I once feared the world around me. Now I fear the world inside. Who have I become? And what am I running from? Which is better? Pain of heart, or pain of conscience?"

He tears out the hearts that won’t adore him.

She makes a noose from veins that won’t ignore him.

"Believe those who search for the answers. Doubt those who find it."